To be in love :)

Sorry for being gone for so long it is times like these that I would like to quote Dwight Schrute’s blog with the following:

“September 27, 08:50 PM

Time Encapsulated

Hello internetizens. I have returned from my web logging hiatus. You may be asking yourself, “what happened to Dwight all summer?” Shut up. It’s none of your business. Just focus on the present. In this case, the present has two meanings. In its first usage, it is temporal. The present is the here and now. It is also being used to mean “a gift.” This web log is a present from me to you, the reader, because you do not pay for it and I am giving it to you. Enjoy your present (both meanings).”

To make things long and short I have been super busy with school. I am taking 7 classes this semester and it may just very well be killing me. Here is an average week for me.

American Hist Requires 1000 words per week Plus 2 final projects that are 5000 words each.

Immunology has one project that is 5000 words and weekly reading.

Hist 319x 1 paper plus weekly postings on internet chat sight.

Hist 319Y – Ditto as 319x

CMST303 – Weekly project and internet posting.

Libsci – weekly project and internet posting.

Writing – weekly paper due that is 1000 words plus one final project that is 10,000 words.

As you can see I am writing almost everyday. Once in a while I can get away with doing two projects in one day. That allows me some free time to relax --- ha ha ha.

Okay to the big stuff in my life. I got the priesthood. Yes I know many of you imagine that it would never happen. I can’t say that I am not a little shocked myself. But it has been an amazing experience and I would not change a thing. With it comes a greater responsibility. But also comes a greater sense of responsibility.

The second big thing that has happened is that I am totally fallen in love. I cannot get this girl out of my head. I won’t go into any great details for now suffice it to say that I am totally smitten. Ok so here is the bad part--- she has no idea how I feel and we have not been out on a date. To be honest we only occasionally talk. But I am looking to put a screeching halt to that and get love in the plan.

I know this is short but I am at work and don’t have much time to play today. But I know that I have put this off for so long that I can no longer wait. Till next time…

Quotes of the Day: Wearing a turtle neck and a backpack is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Quotes of the Day: When we were on acid we would go into the woods. Cuz when your in the woods there is less chance to run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear that was even more of a buz kill. My friend Dwayne was standing there raising his right hand swearing to prevent forest fires.

Quotes of the Day: Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Is doing drugs wrong?

I have a problem with the current governmental system. The problem is that for the most part it tries to control us. The problem all began with me in high school with anti drug legislation. Was I for or against it???

Well for the most I felt that it did provide a valuable ingredient to the safety of society. Therefore I was in fact for it. However, taken to the extreme we now have seat belt laws. These laws for the most part benefit and improve the safety of society. But then you have laws that allow peoples privacy to be invaded by the scanners at air ports.

These nifty little devices allow the unbelievably fat woman who looks like a squid in stretch pants to look thru all the crap that I am trying to smuggle back into the country or into Utah when I am on vacation. If the squid in stretch pants sees anything that she believes to be contraband then she gets to search your bag and maybe even your persons.

My point is that although some of these things seem to be for our benefit at what point do we no longer maintain freedom. Look at China it is a very safe place to live – but they don’t have many freedoms. Would it be too far out to say that the terrorists actually have already won. They got Lil Bush to piss all over the Bill of Rights with the political vomit known as the Patriot Act. It should be called the “go fuck a patriot act”.

Here is my point if you call yourself a “terrorist” then your motive is to terrorize people. We in this country have been terrorized so much we just roll over and allow people to search anything they want – or listen into phone calls, or violate our civil rights anyway that an authority sees fit all in the name of safety. However, I think the most brilliant part is that Osama Bin Laden got the US Congress to institute laws that terrorize our civil rights far more than he ever could.

There is a point where you have to assume that living in a free society comes with certain inherent dangers and responsibilities. If you refuse to accept those dangers and responsibilities then you need to go live somewhere that people have no danger freedom or responsibility. It is called Kindergarten. If you actually agree that the patriot act is in the benefit of society then you should drag you midget ass back in kindergarten and curl up for story time and allow the rest of us to go on our merry fuckin way. Please why cant you just suck in peace…

Quote of the Day:

Lead follow or get out of the way.

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins, and they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried. There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians. JFK. AIDS. The Holocaust. The Lincoln assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.

Only Harry Potter fans need apply.

I have been pontificating as to the situation surrounding that of one Orenthal James "O. J." Simpson. I am under the impression that when the murders were committed of one Nicole Brown-Simpson and one Ronald Goldman that in fact a Horcrux was made, actually 2 of them to be specific.

In 1979, Aaren Lashone Simpson (born September 24, 1977) drowned in the family's swimming pool a month before her second birthday. That same year Simpson and first wife Marguerite were divorced. This is potentially where the first Horcrux was made. Although in 1960, he joined the Persian Warriors, a San Francisco street gang, and was incarcerated at the San Francisco Youth Guidance Center in 1962. Which he could have easily have committed murder prior to the death of his daughter. So assuming that he did not commit murder in the street gang we can subsequently assume that he has made at least three Horcrux’s.

Simpson also won the Walter Camp Award in 1967 and was a two-time All-American. He also ran in the USC sprint relay quartet that broke the world record at the NCAA track championships in Provo, Utah in June 1967. I can only assume that one of the Horcrux’s would be hidden in Walter Camp Award. I also believe that one of the Horcrux’s is being hidden in Provo, Utah. I think it is safe to say that one is in the Heisman Trophy. But now I am at a lose as to what memorbelia was being held in the Vegas hotal that OJ wanted back so bad.

It is easy to assume that one of the items now contains a Horcrux in it. Otherwise why would this individual invest so much time into going to get something only worth $100,000. Remember that Oj gets 25,000 a month in pension monies from the NFL. In the US you cannot legally consume an individuals pension or retirement funds, and Simpson has paid little of the 33.5 million he owes the Goldman family.

I think it is time that we get to the bottom of this before he who must not be names kills again. He must be stopped. Sooner or later he will take over the entire world of he is not brought down. The only way to do this is to find all of the Horcrux’s and destroy them!!!

Quotes of the Day:

I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.

Horcrux - The receptacle in which a Dark wizard has hidden a fragment of his soul for the purposes of attaining immortality.

Listen to me. You have to consider the possibility that God doesn't like you, he never wanted you. In all probability, He hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen...

It isn't... ?

We don't need him...

We don't... ?

Fuck damnation. Fuck redemption. We are God's unwanted children, with no special place and no special attention, and so be it.

Book seven done... Now what?

An amazing women once said to me “when a guy says to me I like you, what I hear is , here are my needs please meet them.” The reason why she told me that was because we were having a lengthy debate over why I have for so long refused to date Mormon girls.

As the discussion continued I told her that not only is that what happens with me, but they also say to me “please do not express your needs, they will only cause me to lose interest.”

This weekend.

Saturday I had been able to get an extension from a professor for an assignment that was now to be due at midnight on Saturday. At 3:00 p.m. that Saturday Sarah (last name not important) called me to see if I would give her a ride to a party taking place that evening that began at 5:30.

I agreed that I would pick her up from the metro (subway) station closest to my house and we would go from there. I told her I would like to be there around six and that I had to make a detour on the way.

At 5:00pm I called Sarah to see if she was getting at all close to my house. She had not even left her house yet. It was no less than a 1 hour metro trip from her house to mine and this meant that we would not be picking her up until 6:00. Now here is what I had planned for the schedule that night.

The plan in my head was as follows. 5-5;30 pick up sarah drop off ipod.
5:30 - 6:00 go to party number 1.
6:00 - 7:15 party #1
7:30- 8:00 party #2
9:00 leave party #2
9:30 - 9:45 start working on assignment.
12:00 publish assignment
12:01 read Harry potter.

Here is what actually happened.

5:00 call sarah still has not left.
6:00 Where the fuck is she???
6:30 thinking about leaving her.
7:00 I am walking out the door when I find that I cant find my Ipod.
7:15 still cant find Ipod.
7:18 sarah calls she is almost to my house.
7:30 pick her up - found the ipod.
7:45 drop off ipod. At party #2
8:00 get to party #1
9:00 leave party #1
10:00 get food (finally)
10:05 sarah asks how she is getting home
10:06 I tell her about assignment.
10:08 she tells me she needs ride home
10:15 she tells me again.
10:20 gossips to Ashley about her ride home.
10:25 takes me inside the house at party #2 to talk about her ride home.
10:30 leave party #2
10:31 ask her to read to me while I drive the 65 mile round trip to her house.
11:00 she complains about reading.
12:00 get her home.

8:30 get call from professor who is not happy that I did not get assignment to him like I promised.
8:31 feel like a fool.
8:32 forgive - life will go on.



Now all of this would be kinda funny accept for the fact that on the way to drop off my IPOD I ask her where my portable hard drive is and if she knows about it. She tells me that Teresa is just taking a long time to get the pics off of it.

So today I email Teresa about my portable hard drive and come to find out it is no longer in her charge. In fact Sarah’s friend who just moved out here left the god dam thing U fucking TAH. Sarah knew that her friend was going to be bringing it out here and never said anything to me about it. So when I asked her on Saturday she knew that Becca had lost it and lied to me.

Right now I am trying to convince myself that I should not make a big deal about the whole thing and to just let it go. The problem is that Sarah lied to me.

So now to go back to the start of the whole discussion today. Why don’t I date Mormon girls??? This is why --- It is impossible to tell a mormon girl without being sucked into a trap of manipulation. One thing that I have noticed is that non-Mormons understand how hard it is to find people to trust and people who they can love and love them back. It is so rare and when it happens it is cherished and treated with the respect and honor that it deserves. --- Not always but when you have someone who loves you and you love them then it is respected.

On the other hand mormons believe that it is a right that people love them. That no matter how retarded they act I have to love them. I have no agency in the matter. That no matter what mistakes they make I am still going to have to love that person. The truth is that when you act like a jackass I am going to treat you like a jackass. And you can still love a jackass. I had one when I was a child named stubby I loved that thing. When I was three years old it kicked me right square in the chest but I still loved it.

And that is in a nutshell why I don’t date mormon girls. You cant trust them to honor and respect the fact that you have opened up your heart to them.

Now for those of you who are reading this and thinking that I just got my heart broken --DON’T.
I am not sitting hear crying over my keyboard. However, I am thinking about why again is was that I ever stopped drinking. But suffice it to say that most Mormon girls cannot be trusted. They live the motto that everyone has to love them they are a daughter of god. And because you love them --- Here are my needs please meet them…


On a separate note tonight is a hard night for me. Have any of you seen the new Jack Daniels advertising. Jack Daniels served in fine establishments and questionable joints… Oh that is brilliance. The thing that sucks about all of this is that I am about to receive the priesthood. And my life is falling apart right before my eyes.

For the last two years everything that I have spent my life achieving and earning has been taken from me. At the onset of this summer I decided that I could no longer accept this lifestyle and began acting in my old ways. Almost over night I got a new job, found a way back to school, got a big fat investment payout. It was like the second I decided to stop practicing being a Mormon I won the lottery.

A few weeks ago I stopped making those mistakes and began to prepare to get the priesthood. And in that time I have gained almost ten pounds, my car sucks, and every girl around me is lying to me. Not to mention the fact that since coming back to church I have lost my happiness. I was so happy over the summer, and now it seems as though my life is totally in a spin cycle. I know that life is supposed to get hard when you are about to make good decisions. But the fact is that my life is happiest when I am making bad decisions. Not to mention the fact that people seem to like me more.
How exactly is it that when I make wrong decisions I start losing weight, but when I am doing everything I can to be good I am a big fat pig. Right now I think I am the fattest that I have ever been. I am at least 10 pounds fatter than I was a 2 weeks ago.

I just don’t see why it is that I keep coming back to this faith?? I mean honestly I never feel comfortable at church. I have always felt like an outcast. I have always been an outsider to the folds of the faith. Why is it that I am so at home within the walls of the places that are supposed to be so wrong for me???

I cant understand why it is that if I am working so hard to be good why it is that I feel so bad. And when I am acting bad I feel so happy.

Maybe it is just time to cut the ropes of this faith and let it float up into the sky. I am of the opinion that I will probably never be able to find someone to marry within the folds of this faith. I cant see how I would ever meet someone when I am so opposed to dating them. But needless to say I don’t really like what I have become. I don’t have a house I have only one car. I don’t have a degree and I don’t have a career. When I was 19 I had a house a few cars and a good job.

Maybe it is a test but if it is a test I can say that I am just about to break…

You know that greatest tragedy of all is that I wanted to spend the time during this blog to encourage you all to read Harry potter. I just finished the seventh book and I want to say that I liked the way that it ended. I never expected harry to be a horcrux. That is amazing writing. I love when the answer is right there in front of you the whole time and you never see it. Rowling is masterful in the way she blazes the answer right there on his forehead and yet you never see it coming. That women in my opinion has earned every dollar she has made off the potter series. Harry Potter is truly the definition of what good writing is. I hate beyond all measure plot manipulation. And yet I also need to be surprised - I never saw that one coming!


Quotes of the day:
#1 For somehow this is tyranny's disease, to trust no friends. -- Aeschylus

#2 The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.
- Frank Herbert

#3 I trust those who watch porn, it is those that don’t who worry me…

Lazy is the best policy is the only thing I learned.

So as I promised I am not keeping up with all that has gone on. Brian this week had his first baby – congrats. As usual I still have only spoken to him once and it was pretty brief. I was just about to leave when he called.

I am in the process of car shopping again. I am looking at the Volvo C70 convertible. However, it is not the car that I really want to buy. But then again the Bentley Arnage Convertible is not exactly in my price range. In due course, all in due course.

This marked the beginning of a new semester, and I may have bitten off more than I can chew. My classes this semester are:

1. BIOL 334 Vaccines
2. CMST 303 Advanced Application Software
3. HIST 156 History United States to 1865
4. HIST 319X Jews Under Nazis
5. HIST 319Y Nuremberg War Trials
6. HIST 481 History of Modern China
7. LIBS 150 Info Literacy Research Methods
8. WRTG 101 Introduction to Writing

The only class that actually scares me is the Bio class. I started it last night and the professor is not going to let me use my laptop to take notes for fear that I will record his lectures. That is always a great way to start a semester accuse the student of doing something that they had no intention of doing. However, no I am wondering what is going to be said that he does not want recorded. Besides if I wanted to record his GD lectures it isn’t like it would be so hard to pull that off – prick.

Also, I have to take a writing 101 course. Apparently UMD will not accept my CLEP scores from Utah. Big surprise there, when I came out here of the 76 credits I had achieved in Utah UMD accepted 11 of them. So it was no surprise that they would not accept this either. I just find it funny that I have to take a basic writing course when I have been writing professionally for the last 3 years. Wonder what I will write on. Needless to say that all my writing assignments are going to be centered on exactly what I am working on here at work.

On other news the skank that I had last semester has once again caused me to anger. Long story short the “professor” didn’t give us back anything until the day before the end of the semester. The grades were due on Monday that following Thursday I get a note from the financial aide dept telling me that my aide is in jeopardy because I had not finished the course. I sent the professor an email and got a snide remark back from her. A few days later I got my grade and it was no where near what I had earned. I guess along with not being able to pronounce words correctly adding is also something that she is unable to do.

Look I can give someone the benefit of the doubt. I emailed her and inquired about the grade. Again I received a smart ass retort. I guess she thinks that I am five and that I am somehow afraid of the big bad professor. I know that all of this sounds trite I am still a little miffed at the fact that she was unable to muster the minor amount of integrity needed to apologize for her actions. Instead going on the offensive and making it seems as though I was out of line asking her to actually do her job. She finally got the grades in the system 12 days late.

Wow it would sure be nice to hand things into a professor 12 days late. I wish that I could get away with that sort of incompetence her at my job. But I am not a lazy professor I actually have deadlines that need to be met.

In the end I am still working on the problem but the whole reason I bring this up is that I am obviously not the only one who did poorly in the class. I have been receiving emails from other students regarding the course. One student is working on a folder of information to present to the dept regarding her behavior during the semester. It will be interesting to see what happens in the end. I am hoping that I am not just opening a can of worms with this whole thing…

Quote of the day:
1. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

2. There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.

...and the dish ran away with his mouth

So the time has come again to write to you all. I have been trying to write on Fridays. However, to day I found myself with little to do and even less to say. I thought for a moment about readdressing some of my worst dates. Mostly because I read an article today from MSN that was discussing the worst kind of male and female personality types to date.

That being said I have finished class – YAH!!!

I have received all “A’s” with one exception. It is an exception because I have yet to receive a grade.

The first assignment that I got back from this professor was last Monday. Yes that was the second to the last day of class. The entire semester has gone by and the first grade I received was the day before the end of the course. You can’t even imagine how unpleased I am about that situation.

Needless to say grades were supposed to be posted on Monday and here it is Wednesday and nothing. I did not make it into work on Monday and so I am still thinking that it is Tuesday…

So the roommate and I got into it last night. This child left for home last Friday and left dishes in the sink. Food on the counter. Dishes in the living room and food wrappers on the floor in the living room.

So Friday I texted him and told him to come home and clean it up – I did not know that he was out of town until the next day. Needless to say he did respond – or come home for that matter.

So last night I told him “when I get home tomorrow, the kitchen is clean.” He wanted to discuss it but I told him that it was not a good idea. Then he told me not to get attitude with him.

Let’s back up here for one second. Every time there is ever a situation where someone is acting in an aggressive manner it is my natural reaction to back down. I have however developed a trap as it were and the roommate fell into it last night. Now when someone gets overly dominant it is far easier to succumb to them two, three, four times or even more. With Ben every time there has been an issue he starts yelling and I back down and never yell back. The idea behind this trap is to allow the person to become over confident. For them to get the idea that they are in control. Ben for instance had gotten the idea that he could push me around and that I would back down. That if he raised his voice I would let the whole situation go.

So last night he raised his voice and tried to act aggressively towards me. It wasn’t like he was completely trying to get into my face. But he got up and tried to confront me face to face. Well that is when it had gone just a tad too far.

I unleashed on this kid a furry I am not sure that he has ever experienced. He said that I had no right to yell at him… Um, you started yelling bitch – not me. At one point he said that if there is a problem that I need to meet him half way. Meet him half way???? Is this some sort of after school special. Do you think that we are going to hug at the end of this?

You left dirty dishes in the sink and went on vacation. Now I have to give a pretext to this. It isn’t that he left dishes in the sink and left. Of that he left the whole house a mess and left – things happen and I understand when they do. It is that since he moved in in January he has not cleaned up after himself one single time. He will leave the dishes in the sink until someone else needs to eat and there are no clean dishes then they get done.

He even bragged that the last three times the dishes have been washed it was he who started the dish washer. Not he who filled it, or unloaded it, or even put his own dishes in there – No he is the one who started it. Mind you this is a modern dish washer with DC power. It is not some old job that you have to stand behind and operate a wheel that produces ohms. It doesn’t require you to do anything but fill, start, unload. Since my roommate has gotten that starting thing figured out now all we need to do is find someone to fill it and guy to unload it, and someone to bring refreshments.

I am shocked that someone who is twenty seven years old insists that I meet him half way when cleaning up his own messes. I wonder if I should be meeting him half way when it comes to paying his rent. If that is the case I wonder if I get to bang his wife --- half way.

At any rate he also said that he is going to clean the place but he is going to do it his own way. I suppose that means that he will sit around until someone else cleans it for him. I can only suspect that is what he means given that has been how he has done all his cleaning thus far.

I am sad that it broke out into to a full on fight. I didn’t want that to happen in fact when he came home I avoided him the entire evening so that I would be completely calm when I spoke to him. But he just jumped right into it. I am now wondering if I should apologize to him. It really is a double edge sword. If I apologize it will reopen the topic and might give him the impression that I am willing to tolerate his behavior. If I do not apologize then I am not practicing what I preach… What to do what to do????

Quotes of the day:

1 - I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

2 - The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

Bad dates are part of life. But bad Otter Pops should NEVER be tolerated!

Not that I normally discuss that random activities of my life - ???? However, today I had a guy sit next to me on the metro that smelled as though he had been drinking since Monday. No this guy wasn’t homeless or crazy looking – He just smelled of booze so bad that it actually made me ill. I didn’t know that someone’s smell could bring a person to actual nausea but this guy did…

So tonight I am going to Baltimore for a dance on the waterfront. The idea is we are all going to dress up preppy and play as though we are all snobs. Not quite sure who came up with that idea but we will see how it goes.

About two weeks ago I found online a company that actually sells Otter Pops. No not that flav-r-ice crap these are real Otter Pops. So I get them and freeze them and guess what???? That’s right they suck… back in 1996 the company that made otter pops was acquired by the same company that makes flav-r-ice. They now both taste the same. They also made the packaging lame as well. I am so upset that I am making it my personal mission to find a way to financially destroy this company and bring an end to this injustice.

After a two month vacation I started back at the gym this week. I had not been since I got home from duck beach. Needless to say it will be a while before I get back into shape. This weekend I have a pretty full schedule. Tonight we are going to B-More, and then tomorrow I am helping Sarah move. After that there is a pool party in Virginia, and then that evening there is a house warming party. Sunday will be spent working on my final exams.

I have to just say this semester I have met one of the most incompetent people in the education system that I have ever met. I had a professor who could not (even if it meant saving her life) get information correct.

Examples:

Nez Pierce Indians Pronounced Nay Per say not Nez Pierce…

Elizabeth Katy Stanton - Not Elizabeth Katie Stanton.

At the Gulf of Tonkin the second ship was never attacked and so it was never sunk.

The Watergate break in was not discovered by a janitor cleaning the office. It was discovered because of Duct tape on the door of the DNC. And he wasn’t cleaning the office because the individuals were already in the office hence them being arrested on the spot.

The Plumbers were not hired to clean up messes they were hired to “fix leaks” hence the name!!!

The Patriot Act was not passed unanimously.

It has shocked me all the mistakes that this individual has made. However, it goes to show that there is a reason why people hate history. Because most of the time it is taught by so idiot high school coach that has no real idea what the context or sub context of an event is. Just like the person teaching this course. It further shocks me to think that this person has the distinction of Doctorate of History but does not know that it is not the NEZ Pierce Indians! I learned that in 1^st freaking grade…

I have been feeling sick a lot lately. And I have a strong desire to choke one of my roommates. It is getting on my last freaking nerve the fact that this little boy cannot clean up after himself. Get over it – you mommy isn’t going to be coming by with a mop and a broom so just man up and pick up after yourself. There is crap in the fridge right now as I type this that was cooked July 18^th. That is right it is one month old and it is making the entire house smell. Every time I walk into the house I can smell that crap. Maybe if I put it in his room he will get the message that it is time to clean up… But I doubt it.

OK I have to be honest for a second – I am sick of being single. Lately I have been reflecting on past relationships. This has led me to a few conclusions. First I am not at all trusting and second I can never make up my mind.

The biggest problem that I have when I start dating someone is that by the time the actually fall for me I have completely moved one. It was the case with Voldamort, Mary and Kirsten. All three at one point or another wanted to get married however, by the time they actually got there I had already given up. How do I combat this situation in the future?

For the most part I just wish that I was married now. I don’t even really feel much like dating – and there is not a lot of interest on the horizon either. I have resolved to stop dating Mormons. Which I believe I have addressed in the past. But I am back to a sound policy of no Mormons. Which just looking outside of that box has brought a whole new life to the possibility of dating. Last week I met this girl at a party nothing special however it was nice to talk to someone that was not completely weird. I have to say that it seems like the way that single Mormons communicate is never going to be something I am good at. I often get asked by girls why I don’t date Mormons. But how do you say to someone well they are Crazy and not damn the whole religion as a result of the comment?

I was forced to go back to this policy after an amazingly bad date I had last week. Ok I was not an official date so allow me to give some pretext.

I was asked by a friend if I would be willing to take a “Cute friend” around DC while she was out here working for a week. I responded sure.

Saturday (the day before she few in) I spoke to her on the phone. The conversation details will be left out however; the highlight is that I asked her if she wanted to do tourist things or social activities. She said she was curious about the singles scene in DC. I told her about a dinner party my friend was giving the next night and that she could come. Her flight was to arrive at 2:30 pm and that she would call me when she had gotten checked into her hotel. Well at 9:30 Sunday night she called needless to say she was not going to make the dinner party. I gave her my office number and told her to call me on Monday when she knew how her day was going to play out. By 6:00 Monday night I called her to find out what was going on. She said that she was far too busy and wanted to know how Wednesday of Thursday would be. Since I had class on Thursday, Wednesday would be the only day we could meet. I told her to just call me Tuesday night to confirm that she was still able to go out on Wednesday.

By 6:30 on Wednesday I had not herd from her and I was praying that she would either be too busy or would just not make it at all. Well around 7:30 she called and cancelled –thank god… But wanted to meet Thursday, I told her that I couldn’t but that I would be finished with class between 9 and 10 if she still wanted to meet after that. She agreed and it was set.

9:45 leaving Fort Meade I called her. She still wanted to meet (damn). I told her that I was going to be about 30 minutes. She asked if I had eaten since I had not eaten all day I was starving – we agreed to do dinner.

When I got to her hotel I went up to her room – This was a huge mistake on my part. Even though I know that you should have someone meet you in the lobby. I went up to her room and she was still working. It was 10:45 before we actually got out of her room. One the way out I stopped by the consignor and asked if there were any restaurants open. All that was open was the Capitol Brewery. I suggested that we try Georgetown for dinner.

After arriving at Georgetown I could already tell it was going to be a long night. She was not much in the way of conversation, and what she did add made me wonder if I was about to be eating dinner with someone who had the IQ of a salad bar.

It was lightly raining in Georgetown so I got out my umbrella. We walked down K Street looking for a restaurant. WE must have looked at 6 places. I kept telling her that I am surprised that these places were even open and that maybe it would be best to just pick one before they all close.

By the time she had made up her mind it was 11:45. Now I want to stress that the entire time we were walking up and down Georgetown she was walking at least four feet behind me. Prior to her finally picking a place to eat I was ready to call it quits. If it were not for the fallout that my friend would suffer I was willing to just say look you a nightmare to be around and you obviously don’t want to be here so let’s just call it a night. But I didn’t do that because of the friend.

Once in the restaurant she displayed the worst table manners I have ever seen. This is a very nice French restaurant and at one point she actually picked up her soup bowl and spooned out the last little drop of her appetizer. Can you say embarrassing?

So the night drags on the only time she actually had anything to say was when she told me her entire conversion story. Which took 35 minutes (yes I was counting).

She told me how she went to BYU for college and that is where she became truly convinced of the gospel. Yes it took 35 minutes to say that. As a sub note it was so nice to hear a story about someone going to BYU and finding being truly converted. I have never herd that story fifteen millions times before. I guess the one exception is that her story took 35 freaking minutes.

So as dinner progressed she expressed frustration about not making it to see the temple. I suggest we go after dinner which she was excited about. Then she asked how long a drive it would be. Remembering that she had complained about her twenty-five minute commute a few hours prior I said it was approximately twenty-five minutes there. By the time dinner was finished it was between 1:15 and 1:30.

She got into the car and said it was too late to go to the temple and suggested we go back to the hotel. YES!!! Freedom from this night…almost.

One the way back she wanted to stop by the white house, the Washington and several other places. I drove her by a few of them which the lights were turned off (thank god). Then she wanted to try and go to the temple on Friday. I said that I would call her in the morning and we would figure it out. When we got back to her hotel she open the door said thanks and walked into her hotel. It was by far the rudest night of my life; however I was not looking for any long goodnights.

Friday I went about my day as normal. Around 4:30 she called me and there was no way in hell I was answering that call.

All of this might not sound all that bad but given the entire week leading up to it, and the night as a whole I have to say that I am questioning my friendship with the person who asked me to baby sit this girl.

The point of all of this is that it is part and parcel of my experience dating Mormon girls. The past has shown that they generally ruin what could have otherwise been a pleasant night and the result is that I become resolved to never date another one again. Maybe this time it will stink – who knows?

I can understand if you are out on a date with someone that you are not excited about being with. I have been suckered into many a date by a friend that needed a wingman. I have been asked out by girls that I would never want to be alone with. And every time I have been in one of these situations I have made the best of it. I try to be pleasant and fun and make the night as least painful as possible. But it seems that there is this attitude that a knight in shinning armor is going to rescue every fair maiden and that spending the night with a toad is only impeding that process.

I have never had a date with a non-member that acted as though they wanted you to know that there were not interested. Furthermore they did everything in their power to make sure that not only would you never go out with them again but that they became you mortal enemy.

There is a reason why this individual is 31 and unmarried. My guess is that Prince Charming Rhode his trusty stead up to her long ago, then after spending a night with her took the reins tied them around his neck, smacked the horse in that backside and then allowed himself to be drugged to his own death. If I had that option last Thursday night the Friday morning paper would have read – “Equine Suicide in Georgetown. – But don’t worry the horse is ok.”

Hey that gives me a great idea for my next date. If I ever go out with another Mormon girl again I am going horseback riding. That way the suicide option will always be on the table. Or even better I will carry a firearm on all future dates. I will have to be sure to carry a note with me that reads “I am sorry that I shot myself, not sorry to you, sorry to my friends and family. I had to take this action because it seemed less painful to suffer the judgments of suicide that to actually spend another minute in your presence. I hope that I have not stained the clothes of anyone in the surrounding area. If I did please make sure that my parents cover the cost of the article. However, please do not include your cleaning bill in the invoice. Also, please make sure and tip our waiter, as I am sure that you have made his night just as painful as you have made mine.”

I will have to make sure that I only put a single round in the gun. God forbid someone pick up the firearm and try shooting the ogre that I am with.

Sorry this is so broken up – I have been feeling sick a lot lately. Mostly since we got back from Ohio and it is not getting any better. My thought as pretty cut up today, I just want to take my finals and be done with this semester…

Oh funny story so I had to give an oral presentation in class lest week. I was one of the few people approved to give presentations in lieu of writing a paper. Which as a sub note the paper would have been much easier. I wound up writing an eleven page paper in order to fill the twenty-four minutes that I needed to speak. SO the person who spoke before (the only other person to give an oral presentation) went for 7 minutes and then 9 minutes of questions. He hardly filled his time. So when I spoke the professor had to cut me off when I reached 35 minutes. After that there was a lengthy question and answer period. Finally the professor had to cut it off because although the class still wanted to quiz me there was other matters to attend to. The punch line of this whole story is that I kept getting asked how I was going to be able to fill all 24 minutes. I guess they didn’t know my ability to talk. The final score for my presentation was 29/30 with one point deducted for length. Guess I had that coming…

Quotes of the day:

1. I hope there is more – I was led to believe you were worth waiting for.

2. Google
Web Images Video News Maps more »
_________________________________________
|__the perfect man__________________________|
Google Search Im Feeling Lucky

Web Results:
Sorry, not match found.

OMG

The time has come to do away with the traditional Judeo-Christian belief structure. After last night I have decided that I can no longer date Mormon girls. I took this girl to a restaurant for a friend. NO it was not classified as a date – no this was much much worse. I am sick of all of the crap that goes into dating Mormon girls. They are all crazy!!! I could elaborate on this topic for ever but why that is not the point of this blog.

After deciding that I can’t date Mormon girls I was left perplexed as to what to do about a temple marriage. If I am not going to date a Mormon I surly can’t marry one. Not getting married in the temple would constrict me spiritually. However, I have come up with a plan. It is time to worship that entity that has always been there for all of us.

The one thing in this world that has never left you stuck in debt.

Rotting in some POW camp.

It never allowed a child to be abused.

It has never started a war.

It has always stood up for you and it has always made you happy.

My fellow members of the Human race it is time we worship:

The Otter Pop…

Let me introduce to you now the leaders of our new religion.

Sir Isaac Lime:

Sir Isaac is a renowned British scientist and visiting professor at the prestigious Otterdam Institute. Christ was never a professor of anything. Sir Isaac is a seasoned concert pianist who has been "tickling the ivories" since the age of four. "I believe that music is an expression of the harmonic vibrations of the cosmos," says Sir Isaac, "And those who think otherwise are just silly."

Favorite Things:

	Supernovas.
	Sub-atomic particles.
	The sound of his own voice.

Pet Peeves:

	Fast food.
	Mathematical inaccuracies. – Which we all know come from the Catholics.
	People who neglect to place a napkin on their lap during meals. – I have never seen Christ use a napkin. Even in that damn Da Vinci painting.

Alexander the Grape:

Alexander is the beloved host of the public television program Great Moments in Otter History. Remember if it is on TV it must be true. Alexander is an expert at trivia, speaks over nine hundred languages and knows the origin of every figure of speech currently in use. Now one other God that can speak every religion… That’s what I thought. When the Otter PopStars appeared on his show, Alexander was convinced their music was "history in the making" and was overjoyed when he was given the opportunity to join the group as their triangle player.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Tours of ancient ruins Museums Olympic Sports		Computerized gadgets with too many buttons Alarm clocks – which we all know were invented by atheists. Bad puns

Poncho Punch:

Poncho has been delighting audiences with his guitar-playing and Latin charm since his first guest appearance on the Mexican soap opera, Fruta De Pasíon. Yes that is right one of your new gods is of ethnic decent. Take that Salt Lake. He became a world-wide sensation when his debut solo album went platinum virtually overnight. Unlike Orin Hatch was songwriting sucks. Poncho continued his rise to super-stardom after forming the Otter PopStars, and is now the object of admiration for millions of fans both young and old. Kiss my ass Donnie and Marie. Besides his commitments in the music world, Poncho is the spokesman for several charities and is currently developing a line of comfortable sleep-wear.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Answering his fan mail Sun-bathing by the pool – now there is a God we can all identify with. Signing autographs – When was the last time Jehovah signed autographs. Of even made a personal appearance at the opening of a mall.		Broken guitar strings Artificial plants When they're out of sardines in the green room

Little Orphan Orange:

Lil grew up in an orphanage in the backwaters of Lake Erie. Literally. There she learned the importance of self-reliance and a positive attitude when facing life's hardships. Self-reliance – finally a god that is going to make you actually rely on yourself for a change. Lil's big break came when her outstanding voice and plucky, street-smart spirit made her the winner of the Otter PopStars' nationwide Talent Search. "I'm just happy to be one of life's little creatures," says Lil, "The chance to share my joy with the world is more than I ever dreamed of." Talk about being Otternally grateful. See a humble god as well. Most gods are angry jealous gods. Not pointing fingers I’m just saying.

Favorite Things:		Pet Peeves:
Her dog Melon Collie Roller Skating Talking with friends on the phone		Complainers i.e. Mormons Litterbugs i.e. Mormons Long lines at the ice cream parlor i.e. Mormons.

Louie-Bloo Raspberry:

Louie is a Jazz poet whose book of verse The Sweet Raspberry of Yesterday and Other Poems has been translated into twelve languages including Beaver and Cockatiel. Now when was the bible ever translated so even the animals could read it? That sounds a little specie-centric to me. Originally from New Otterleans, Louie met the Otter PopStars when they were just a band of street musicians playing for clams and rocks outside "Café Le Bloo" - the spot where Louie does his best writing. Their music touched him so deeply that he put down his pen, grabbed his upright bass and immediately joined in the fun. A friend to nature and all its creatures, Louie can often be found cultivating his window box garden of purple snap dragons and bandaging up the bite marks on his fingers.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Watching the waves crashing upon the shore Estuaries A warm café olé in the morning		Confrontation – finally a god of peace. Oil spills – finally and environmentally friendly god. People who don't know what an estuary is. – Finally a god who knows what an estuary is.

Strawberry Short Kook:

For her eighth birthday, Kook received a toy drum set from her parents, who were looking for a way to keep her from wrecking the pots and pans and their last nerve. When the neighbors complained about the noise, Kook took her drums to the beach and played on the boardwalk. See a god that is kind to the neighbors, but isn’t afraid to party. She was such an amazing drummer that soon everyone in town was asking, "Have you seen that crazy Kook?" "Si," said Poncho Punch, and together they formed the Otter PopStars. Despite her demure appearance, Kook is in peak physical condition, practicing both Tai Chi and non-fat frozen Yoga. What other religion has a martial artist as there god?

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Painting, sculpture, photography Fixing Desserts – and no that does not include green Jell-O with carrot shavings. Serious WTF is that anyway? Spelunking – What other god can be found in a cave?		Bullies i.e. Muslims. Car alarms Party-poopers

As you can clearly see there is no other way. It is time to submit yourself to the one true faction in this world that can lead us to world peace – It is time to worship the Otter Pop!!

Quote of the Day:
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party. Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and that's who I'm prayin' to. When you say grace, you can pray to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.