...and the dish ran away with his mouth

So the time has come again to write to you all. I have been trying to write on Fridays. However, to day I found myself with little to do and even less to say. I thought for a moment about readdressing some of my worst dates. Mostly because I read an article today from MSN that was discussing the worst kind of male and female personality types to date.

That being said I have finished class – YAH!!!

I have received all “A’s” with one exception. It is an exception because I have yet to receive a grade.

The first assignment that I got back from this professor was last Monday. Yes that was the second to the last day of class. The entire semester has gone by and the first grade I received was the day before the end of the course. You can’t even imagine how unpleased I am about that situation.

Needless to say grades were supposed to be posted on Monday and here it is Wednesday and nothing. I did not make it into work on Monday and so I am still thinking that it is Tuesday…

So the roommate and I got into it last night. This child left for home last Friday and left dishes in the sink. Food on the counter. Dishes in the living room and food wrappers on the floor in the living room.

So Friday I texted him and told him to come home and clean it up – I did not know that he was out of town until the next day. Needless to say he did respond – or come home for that matter.

So last night I told him “when I get home tomorrow, the kitchen is clean.” He wanted to discuss it but I told him that it was not a good idea. Then he told me not to get attitude with him.

Let’s back up here for one second. Every time there is ever a situation where someone is acting in an aggressive manner it is my natural reaction to back down. I have however developed a trap as it were and the roommate fell into it last night. Now when someone gets overly dominant it is far easier to succumb to them two, three, four times or even more. With Ben every time there has been an issue he starts yelling and I back down and never yell back. The idea behind this trap is to allow the person to become over confident. For them to get the idea that they are in control. Ben for instance had gotten the idea that he could push me around and that I would back down. That if he raised his voice I would let the whole situation go.

So last night he raised his voice and tried to act aggressively towards me. It wasn’t like he was completely trying to get into my face. But he got up and tried to confront me face to face. Well that is when it had gone just a tad too far.

I unleashed on this kid a furry I am not sure that he has ever experienced. He said that I had no right to yell at him… Um, you started yelling bitch – not me. At one point he said that if there is a problem that I need to meet him half way. Meet him half way???? Is this some sort of after school special. Do you think that we are going to hug at the end of this?

You left dirty dishes in the sink and went on vacation. Now I have to give a pretext to this. It isn’t that he left dishes in the sink and left. Of that he left the whole house a mess and left – things happen and I understand when they do. It is that since he moved in in January he has not cleaned up after himself one single time. He will leave the dishes in the sink until someone else needs to eat and there are no clean dishes then they get done.

He even bragged that the last three times the dishes have been washed it was he who started the dish washer. Not he who filled it, or unloaded it, or even put his own dishes in there – No he is the one who started it. Mind you this is a modern dish washer with DC power. It is not some old job that you have to stand behind and operate a wheel that produces ohms. It doesn’t require you to do anything but fill, start, unload. Since my roommate has gotten that starting thing figured out now all we need to do is find someone to fill it and guy to unload it, and someone to bring refreshments.

I am shocked that someone who is twenty seven years old insists that I meet him half way when cleaning up his own messes. I wonder if I should be meeting him half way when it comes to paying his rent. If that is the case I wonder if I get to bang his wife --- half way.

At any rate he also said that he is going to clean the place but he is going to do it his own way. I suppose that means that he will sit around until someone else cleans it for him. I can only suspect that is what he means given that has been how he has done all his cleaning thus far.

I am sad that it broke out into to a full on fight. I didn’t want that to happen in fact when he came home I avoided him the entire evening so that I would be completely calm when I spoke to him. But he just jumped right into it. I am now wondering if I should apologize to him. It really is a double edge sword. If I apologize it will reopen the topic and might give him the impression that I am willing to tolerate his behavior. If I do not apologize then I am not practicing what I preach… What to do what to do????

Quotes of the day:

1 - I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

2 - The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

Bad dates are part of life. But bad Otter Pops should NEVER be tolerated!

Not that I normally discuss that random activities of my life - ???? However, today I had a guy sit next to me on the metro that smelled as though he had been drinking since Monday. No this guy wasn’t homeless or crazy looking – He just smelled of booze so bad that it actually made me ill. I didn’t know that someone’s smell could bring a person to actual nausea but this guy did…

So tonight I am going to Baltimore for a dance on the waterfront. The idea is we are all going to dress up preppy and play as though we are all snobs. Not quite sure who came up with that idea but we will see how it goes.

About two weeks ago I found online a company that actually sells Otter Pops. No not that flav-r-ice crap these are real Otter Pops. So I get them and freeze them and guess what???? That’s right they suck… back in 1996 the company that made otter pops was acquired by the same company that makes flav-r-ice. They now both taste the same. They also made the packaging lame as well. I am so upset that I am making it my personal mission to find a way to financially destroy this company and bring an end to this injustice.

After a two month vacation I started back at the gym this week. I had not been since I got home from duck beach. Needless to say it will be a while before I get back into shape. This weekend I have a pretty full schedule. Tonight we are going to B-More, and then tomorrow I am helping Sarah move. After that there is a pool party in Virginia, and then that evening there is a house warming party. Sunday will be spent working on my final exams.

I have to just say this semester I have met one of the most incompetent people in the education system that I have ever met. I had a professor who could not (even if it meant saving her life) get information correct.

Examples:

Nez Pierce Indians Pronounced Nay Per say not Nez Pierce…

Elizabeth Katy Stanton - Not Elizabeth Katie Stanton.

At the Gulf of Tonkin the second ship was never attacked and so it was never sunk.

The Watergate break in was not discovered by a janitor cleaning the office. It was discovered because of Duct tape on the door of the DNC. And he wasn’t cleaning the office because the individuals were already in the office hence them being arrested on the spot.

The Plumbers were not hired to clean up messes they were hired to “fix leaks” hence the name!!!

The Patriot Act was not passed unanimously.

It has shocked me all the mistakes that this individual has made. However, it goes to show that there is a reason why people hate history. Because most of the time it is taught by so idiot high school coach that has no real idea what the context or sub context of an event is. Just like the person teaching this course. It further shocks me to think that this person has the distinction of Doctorate of History but does not know that it is not the NEZ Pierce Indians! I learned that in 1^st freaking grade…

I have been feeling sick a lot lately. And I have a strong desire to choke one of my roommates. It is getting on my last freaking nerve the fact that this little boy cannot clean up after himself. Get over it – you mommy isn’t going to be coming by with a mop and a broom so just man up and pick up after yourself. There is crap in the fridge right now as I type this that was cooked July 18^th. That is right it is one month old and it is making the entire house smell. Every time I walk into the house I can smell that crap. Maybe if I put it in his room he will get the message that it is time to clean up… But I doubt it.

OK I have to be honest for a second – I am sick of being single. Lately I have been reflecting on past relationships. This has led me to a few conclusions. First I am not at all trusting and second I can never make up my mind.

The biggest problem that I have when I start dating someone is that by the time the actually fall for me I have completely moved one. It was the case with Voldamort, Mary and Kirsten. All three at one point or another wanted to get married however, by the time they actually got there I had already given up. How do I combat this situation in the future?

For the most part I just wish that I was married now. I don’t even really feel much like dating – and there is not a lot of interest on the horizon either. I have resolved to stop dating Mormons. Which I believe I have addressed in the past. But I am back to a sound policy of no Mormons. Which just looking outside of that box has brought a whole new life to the possibility of dating. Last week I met this girl at a party nothing special however it was nice to talk to someone that was not completely weird. I have to say that it seems like the way that single Mormons communicate is never going to be something I am good at. I often get asked by girls why I don’t date Mormons. But how do you say to someone well they are Crazy and not damn the whole religion as a result of the comment?

I was forced to go back to this policy after an amazingly bad date I had last week. Ok I was not an official date so allow me to give some pretext.

I was asked by a friend if I would be willing to take a “Cute friend” around DC while she was out here working for a week. I responded sure.

Saturday (the day before she few in) I spoke to her on the phone. The conversation details will be left out however; the highlight is that I asked her if she wanted to do tourist things or social activities. She said she was curious about the singles scene in DC. I told her about a dinner party my friend was giving the next night and that she could come. Her flight was to arrive at 2:30 pm and that she would call me when she had gotten checked into her hotel. Well at 9:30 Sunday night she called needless to say she was not going to make the dinner party. I gave her my office number and told her to call me on Monday when she knew how her day was going to play out. By 6:00 Monday night I called her to find out what was going on. She said that she was far too busy and wanted to know how Wednesday of Thursday would be. Since I had class on Thursday, Wednesday would be the only day we could meet. I told her to just call me Tuesday night to confirm that she was still able to go out on Wednesday.

By 6:30 on Wednesday I had not herd from her and I was praying that she would either be too busy or would just not make it at all. Well around 7:30 she called and cancelled –thank god… But wanted to meet Thursday, I told her that I couldn’t but that I would be finished with class between 9 and 10 if she still wanted to meet after that. She agreed and it was set.

9:45 leaving Fort Meade I called her. She still wanted to meet (damn). I told her that I was going to be about 30 minutes. She asked if I had eaten since I had not eaten all day I was starving – we agreed to do dinner.

When I got to her hotel I went up to her room – This was a huge mistake on my part. Even though I know that you should have someone meet you in the lobby. I went up to her room and she was still working. It was 10:45 before we actually got out of her room. One the way out I stopped by the consignor and asked if there were any restaurants open. All that was open was the Capitol Brewery. I suggested that we try Georgetown for dinner.

After arriving at Georgetown I could already tell it was going to be a long night. She was not much in the way of conversation, and what she did add made me wonder if I was about to be eating dinner with someone who had the IQ of a salad bar.

It was lightly raining in Georgetown so I got out my umbrella. We walked down K Street looking for a restaurant. WE must have looked at 6 places. I kept telling her that I am surprised that these places were even open and that maybe it would be best to just pick one before they all close.

By the time she had made up her mind it was 11:45. Now I want to stress that the entire time we were walking up and down Georgetown she was walking at least four feet behind me. Prior to her finally picking a place to eat I was ready to call it quits. If it were not for the fallout that my friend would suffer I was willing to just say look you a nightmare to be around and you obviously don’t want to be here so let’s just call it a night. But I didn’t do that because of the friend.

Once in the restaurant she displayed the worst table manners I have ever seen. This is a very nice French restaurant and at one point she actually picked up her soup bowl and spooned out the last little drop of her appetizer. Can you say embarrassing?

So the night drags on the only time she actually had anything to say was when she told me her entire conversion story. Which took 35 minutes (yes I was counting).

She told me how she went to BYU for college and that is where she became truly convinced of the gospel. Yes it took 35 minutes to say that. As a sub note it was so nice to hear a story about someone going to BYU and finding being truly converted. I have never herd that story fifteen millions times before. I guess the one exception is that her story took 35 freaking minutes.

So as dinner progressed she expressed frustration about not making it to see the temple. I suggest we go after dinner which she was excited about. Then she asked how long a drive it would be. Remembering that she had complained about her twenty-five minute commute a few hours prior I said it was approximately twenty-five minutes there. By the time dinner was finished it was between 1:15 and 1:30.

She got into the car and said it was too late to go to the temple and suggested we go back to the hotel. YES!!! Freedom from this night…almost.

One the way back she wanted to stop by the white house, the Washington and several other places. I drove her by a few of them which the lights were turned off (thank god). Then she wanted to try and go to the temple on Friday. I said that I would call her in the morning and we would figure it out. When we got back to her hotel she open the door said thanks and walked into her hotel. It was by far the rudest night of my life; however I was not looking for any long goodnights.

Friday I went about my day as normal. Around 4:30 she called me and there was no way in hell I was answering that call.

All of this might not sound all that bad but given the entire week leading up to it, and the night as a whole I have to say that I am questioning my friendship with the person who asked me to baby sit this girl.

The point of all of this is that it is part and parcel of my experience dating Mormon girls. The past has shown that they generally ruin what could have otherwise been a pleasant night and the result is that I become resolved to never date another one again. Maybe this time it will stink – who knows?

I can understand if you are out on a date with someone that you are not excited about being with. I have been suckered into many a date by a friend that needed a wingman. I have been asked out by girls that I would never want to be alone with. And every time I have been in one of these situations I have made the best of it. I try to be pleasant and fun and make the night as least painful as possible. But it seems that there is this attitude that a knight in shinning armor is going to rescue every fair maiden and that spending the night with a toad is only impeding that process.

I have never had a date with a non-member that acted as though they wanted you to know that there were not interested. Furthermore they did everything in their power to make sure that not only would you never go out with them again but that they became you mortal enemy.

There is a reason why this individual is 31 and unmarried. My guess is that Prince Charming Rhode his trusty stead up to her long ago, then after spending a night with her took the reins tied them around his neck, smacked the horse in that backside and then allowed himself to be drugged to his own death. If I had that option last Thursday night the Friday morning paper would have read – “Equine Suicide in Georgetown. – But don’t worry the horse is ok.”

Hey that gives me a great idea for my next date. If I ever go out with another Mormon girl again I am going horseback riding. That way the suicide option will always be on the table. Or even better I will carry a firearm on all future dates. I will have to be sure to carry a note with me that reads “I am sorry that I shot myself, not sorry to you, sorry to my friends and family. I had to take this action because it seemed less painful to suffer the judgments of suicide that to actually spend another minute in your presence. I hope that I have not stained the clothes of anyone in the surrounding area. If I did please make sure that my parents cover the cost of the article. However, please do not include your cleaning bill in the invoice. Also, please make sure and tip our waiter, as I am sure that you have made his night just as painful as you have made mine.”

I will have to make sure that I only put a single round in the gun. God forbid someone pick up the firearm and try shooting the ogre that I am with.

Sorry this is so broken up – I have been feeling sick a lot lately. Mostly since we got back from Ohio and it is not getting any better. My thought as pretty cut up today, I just want to take my finals and be done with this semester…

Oh funny story so I had to give an oral presentation in class lest week. I was one of the few people approved to give presentations in lieu of writing a paper. Which as a sub note the paper would have been much easier. I wound up writing an eleven page paper in order to fill the twenty-four minutes that I needed to speak. SO the person who spoke before (the only other person to give an oral presentation) went for 7 minutes and then 9 minutes of questions. He hardly filled his time. So when I spoke the professor had to cut me off when I reached 35 minutes. After that there was a lengthy question and answer period. Finally the professor had to cut it off because although the class still wanted to quiz me there was other matters to attend to. The punch line of this whole story is that I kept getting asked how I was going to be able to fill all 24 minutes. I guess they didn’t know my ability to talk. The final score for my presentation was 29/30 with one point deducted for length. Guess I had that coming…

Quotes of the day:

1. I hope there is more – I was led to believe you were worth waiting for.

2. Google
Web Images Video News Maps more »
_________________________________________
|__the perfect man__________________________|
Google Search Im Feeling Lucky

Web Results:
Sorry, not match found.

OMG

The time has come to do away with the traditional Judeo-Christian belief structure. After last night I have decided that I can no longer date Mormon girls. I took this girl to a restaurant for a friend. NO it was not classified as a date – no this was much much worse. I am sick of all of the crap that goes into dating Mormon girls. They are all crazy!!! I could elaborate on this topic for ever but why that is not the point of this blog.

After deciding that I can’t date Mormon girls I was left perplexed as to what to do about a temple marriage. If I am not going to date a Mormon I surly can’t marry one. Not getting married in the temple would constrict me spiritually. However, I have come up with a plan. It is time to worship that entity that has always been there for all of us.

The one thing in this world that has never left you stuck in debt.

Rotting in some POW camp.

It never allowed a child to be abused.

It has never started a war.

It has always stood up for you and it has always made you happy.

My fellow members of the Human race it is time we worship:

The Otter Pop…

Let me introduce to you now the leaders of our new religion.

Sir Isaac Lime:

Sir Isaac is a renowned British scientist and visiting professor at the prestigious Otterdam Institute. Christ was never a professor of anything. Sir Isaac is a seasoned concert pianist who has been "tickling the ivories" since the age of four. "I believe that music is an expression of the harmonic vibrations of the cosmos," says Sir Isaac, "And those who think otherwise are just silly."

Favorite Things:

	Supernovas.
	Sub-atomic particles.
	The sound of his own voice.

Pet Peeves:

	Fast food.
	Mathematical inaccuracies. – Which we all know come from the Catholics.
	People who neglect to place a napkin on their lap during meals. – I have never seen Christ use a napkin. Even in that damn Da Vinci painting.

Alexander the Grape:

Alexander is the beloved host of the public television program Great Moments in Otter History. Remember if it is on TV it must be true. Alexander is an expert at trivia, speaks over nine hundred languages and knows the origin of every figure of speech currently in use. Now one other God that can speak every religion… That’s what I thought. When the Otter PopStars appeared on his show, Alexander was convinced their music was "history in the making" and was overjoyed when he was given the opportunity to join the group as their triangle player.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Tours of ancient ruins Museums Olympic Sports		Computerized gadgets with too many buttons Alarm clocks – which we all know were invented by atheists. Bad puns

Poncho Punch:

Poncho has been delighting audiences with his guitar-playing and Latin charm since his first guest appearance on the Mexican soap opera, Fruta De Pasíon. Yes that is right one of your new gods is of ethnic decent. Take that Salt Lake. He became a world-wide sensation when his debut solo album went platinum virtually overnight. Unlike Orin Hatch was songwriting sucks. Poncho continued his rise to super-stardom after forming the Otter PopStars, and is now the object of admiration for millions of fans both young and old. Kiss my ass Donnie and Marie. Besides his commitments in the music world, Poncho is the spokesman for several charities and is currently developing a line of comfortable sleep-wear.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Answering his fan mail Sun-bathing by the pool – now there is a God we can all identify with. Signing autographs – When was the last time Jehovah signed autographs. Of even made a personal appearance at the opening of a mall.		Broken guitar strings Artificial plants When they're out of sardines in the green room

Little Orphan Orange:

Lil grew up in an orphanage in the backwaters of Lake Erie. Literally. There she learned the importance of self-reliance and a positive attitude when facing life's hardships. Self-reliance – finally a god that is going to make you actually rely on yourself for a change. Lil's big break came when her outstanding voice and plucky, street-smart spirit made her the winner of the Otter PopStars' nationwide Talent Search. "I'm just happy to be one of life's little creatures," says Lil, "The chance to share my joy with the world is more than I ever dreamed of." Talk about being Otternally grateful. See a humble god as well. Most gods are angry jealous gods. Not pointing fingers I’m just saying.

Favorite Things:		Pet Peeves:
Her dog Melon Collie Roller Skating Talking with friends on the phone		Complainers i.e. Mormons Litterbugs i.e. Mormons Long lines at the ice cream parlor i.e. Mormons.

Louie-Bloo Raspberry:

Louie is a Jazz poet whose book of verse The Sweet Raspberry of Yesterday and Other Poems has been translated into twelve languages including Beaver and Cockatiel. Now when was the bible ever translated so even the animals could read it? That sounds a little specie-centric to me. Originally from New Otterleans, Louie met the Otter PopStars when they were just a band of street musicians playing for clams and rocks outside "Café Le Bloo" - the spot where Louie does his best writing. Their music touched him so deeply that he put down his pen, grabbed his upright bass and immediately joined in the fun. A friend to nature and all its creatures, Louie can often be found cultivating his window box garden of purple snap dragons and bandaging up the bite marks on his fingers.

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Watching the waves crashing upon the shore Estuaries A warm café olé in the morning		Confrontation – finally a god of peace. Oil spills – finally and environmentally friendly god. People who don't know what an estuary is. – Finally a god who knows what an estuary is.

Strawberry Short Kook:

For her eighth birthday, Kook received a toy drum set from her parents, who were looking for a way to keep her from wrecking the pots and pans and their last nerve. When the neighbors complained about the noise, Kook took her drums to the beach and played on the boardwalk. See a god that is kind to the neighbors, but isn’t afraid to party. She was such an amazing drummer that soon everyone in town was asking, "Have you seen that crazy Kook?" "Si," said Poncho Punch, and together they formed the Otter PopStars. Despite her demure appearance, Kook is in peak physical condition, practicing both Tai Chi and non-fat frozen Yoga. What other religion has a martial artist as there god?

Favorites Things:		Pet Peeves:
Painting, sculpture, photography Fixing Desserts – and no that does not include green Jell-O with carrot shavings. Serious WTF is that anyway? Spelunking – What other god can be found in a cave?		Bullies i.e. Muslims. Car alarms Party-poopers

As you can clearly see there is no other way. It is time to submit yourself to the one true faction in this world that can lead us to world peace – It is time to worship the Otter Pop!!

Quote of the Day:
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party. Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and that's who I'm prayin' to. When you say grace, you can pray to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.

Where to go from here?

I just got back from O-H-I-O and as can be imagined it was what it was. Although, on the ride out I was able to get tons of great writing accomplished. I did not just write simple jokes either it was an entire set from start to finish and the flow is excellent.

I also got my grades for last semester yes that is right another 4.0. I used to not really care about grades but this time around it is so important to me to be doing well. Especially given the fact that I am going to be applying to grad school. Not that it wasn’t a factor in the past but this time around it seems to be a much larger factor in the equation of giving a dam.

Oh here is a good one do ya’ll remember Elly. Well at least one or two of you should. So to make a long story short I added my hotmail address book to my “MySpace” page. It popped her up as a user. I sent her an email that night. The next night I got a response. Long story short last night after I got out of class I gave her a call. I am not sure how long we were talking suffice it to say it was long.

It can be hard talking to someone after five years. It seemed like I could sum up my life in 60 seconds. However, once we got talking it was almost non-stop. I had to catch a train to get back to Rockville and Taney was bringing over her daughter for Elly to watch so the call got cut short. But it was a nice chat.

I had forgotten about why I stopped dating her and moved into the realm of just friends. However, like a mild case of Chlamydia it entered into my psyche and would not let go. I am not sure how big of a prick I can be, but when I think of the night I met Emily and how things turned out with Elly it is a clear marker that I can be a real big one. Suffice it to say that I have never told Elly about how I met and started dating Emily and probably never will (and for those of you who don’t know – don’t ask) but I do feel guilty for it none the less.

All in all things have been pretty much at a breakneck speed and it is making me fat. I have not been to the gym since I went to Duck Beach. I am at work most of the day not to mention the four hours each day I am in school. Combine that with my three hours of daily commuting and well I am a busy, busy boy.

Okay well I think I am going to get back to work and stop playing on my blog.

Quote of the Day:
1. Love is an angel disguised as lust...
2. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.